Couples Therapy.
I offer psychodynamic couples therapy for partners who are experiencing difficulties in their relationship or who would like to understand each other better.
Couples Therapy
I offer psychodynamic couples therapy for partners who are experiencing difficulties in their relationship or who would like to understand each other better. You may be facing a particular crisis, or you may have noticed patterns that repeat over time and leave you both feeling stuck, hurt or distant.
Couples therapy provides a confidential space where both partners can speak, be heard, and reflect on the relationship with the support of a trained professional. My role is to help you make sense of what is happening between you, so that you can begin to relate to each other in a different way.
How couples therapy can help
Relationships can be a source of great support and closeness, but they can also stir up strong feelings. Old experiences, unspoken expectations and different ways of coping with stress often get played out between partners, sometimes without either person fully realising it.
Couples therapy can help you to:
Understand what lies beneath recurring arguments or silences
Notice how each of you responds when you feel hurt, criticised or ignored
Explore how past relationships may influence the way you relate now
Develop more constructive ways of communicating and managing conflict
Reconnect with what first brought you together, or gain clarity about how to move forward
The aim is not to decide who is right and who is wrong, but to help you both see the dynamic between you more clearly, so that you can make more thoughtful choices about your relationship.
Read More about Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples
My approach
I am an experienced psychodynamic psychotherapist, trained to work with couples as well as individuals. A psychodynamic approach pays close attention to the feelings and patterns that emerge between you in the room, and to how these may be linked to earlier experiences in each of your lives.
Key aspects of how I work with couples include:
Providing a calm and containing space where both partners are taken seriously
Listening for the underlying meanings behind what is being said, as well as the surface disagreements
Helping you to notice and reflect on patterns between you, especially those that seem hard to change
Remaining interested in each of you as individuals, while always thinking about the relationship as a whole
I do not take sides, although at times I may need to support one partner in expressing something that has been difficult to say. My task is to hold the couple in mind, and to think with you about what will be most helpful for the relationship.
What to expect from sessions
Couples sessions last fifty minutes and are usually held weekly at the same time. This regularity helps to create a reliable framework, which is particularly important when you may already be feeling unsettled or uncertain.
In the initial meetings, we will talk about what has brought you to therapy, how each of you experiences the difficulties in the relationship, and what you hope might be different. These early sessions are also a chance for you both to get a sense of me and of the way I work.
In ongoing sessions, you will be invited to speak openly about what is happening between you, both inside and outside the room. Sometimes we will focus on recent events or arguments. At other times, we may explore how each partner’s personal history shapes their expectations and reactions within the relationship.
It is common to feel anxious at first, or to worry about saying too much. Over time, many couples find that the sessions become a place where they can speak more honestly and begin to understand each other in new ways.
Common reasons couples seek therapy
Couples come to see me for many different reasons, including:
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Arguments
Frequent arguments that escalate quickly or never seem to be resolved
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Distance
Growing distance, lack of intimacy or a sense of living separate lives
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Trust
Difficulties around trust, including affairs or secret-keeping
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Life Changes
Major life changes such as becoming parents, retirement or illness
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Life Events
Ongoing impact of past events or losses on the relationship
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Intimacy
Different needs or expectations around sex, closeness or independence
Some couples come at a point of crisis. Others come earlier, when they first notice that they are struggling to talk, or that small hurts are beginning to build up.
You do not need to be at breaking point to consider couples therapy.
Is couples therapy
right for you?
Couples therapy may be helpful if:
Both partners are willing, at least to some degree, to attend and to think about the relationship
You are open to the idea that there may be patterns or dynamics you have not fully recognised
You are prepared for a process that may feel challenging at times, as well as relieving
It is important to know that couples therapy is not about “winning” or proving a point. Sometimes, difficult feelings towards each other may feel more intense when they are spoken about directly. The work involves staying with these feelings long enough to understand them, rather than acting on them immediately.
In situations where there is ongoing violence, coercion or significant risk, we may need to consider additional or alternative forms of support alongside, or instead of, couples work. Safety will always be a priority.
Practicalities
Session length: 50 minutes
Frequency: Usually once weekly at an agreed time
Format: In person / online (adjust according to your practice)
Fees: Between £100 and £120 per session depending on the time of the day and location.
If you decide to proceed, we will agree a regular appointment. There is no fixed length to couples therapy.
Some couples come for a time-limited piece of work around a particular issue, while others choose to work in a longer term way as they explore deeper patterns in their relationship.
1-1 Couples Therapy
Fees between £100 and £120 per session, depending on the time of the day and location.
Frequently asked questions
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How is couples therapy different from individual therapy?
In individual therapy the focus is primarily on one person’s inner world and experiences. In couples therapy, the relationship itself is at the centre of our work. I will be paying attention to how you interact in the room, as well as to each partner’s individual history, and we will be thinking together about the patterns that emerge between you.
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Will you take sides?
My task is not to decide who is right or wrong, but to help both of you feel heard and to understand what is happening between you. At times, it may be necessary to slow things down or to help one partner put something into words, but this is always in the service of the relationship as a whole, not of one person “winning”.
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What if one of us is unsure about coming?
It is quite common for partners to feel differently about starting therapy. If one of you is hesitant, we can acknowledge and think about that together in the room. What matters most is that there is at least some willingness on both sides to explore the relationship and to see whether talking in this way might be helpful.
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What if we argue in the session?
Arguments in the room can feel uncomfortable, but they can also be very useful. They give us a chance to look closely at how conflict unfolds between you, with support and time to pause and reflect. I will help you both to notice what happens and to find different ways of speaking and listening, even when feelings are strong.
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How long will we need to be in couples therapy?
When you book a session, that time is held exclusively for you. For this reason, the full session fee is payable for all booked appointments, regardless of attendance or the amount of notice given for cancellation. This policy supports the continuity of the therapeutic process and ensures that the time set aside for your work is honoured.
If you are unable to attend a session, you are welcome to request an alternative time within the same week, and I will offer this if availability permits, although this cannot be guaranteed.
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What happens if we need to cancel a session?
If you need to cancel or rearrange a session, I ask for as much notice as possible, with a minimum of 48 hours. Sessions cancelled with less notice are usually charged in full, as that time has been reserved for you as a couple. We will go through the details of this policy when we first meet, so that everything is clear from the outset.